someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
