Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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