the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
