youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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