Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
