I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
