home. puking in laundry basket.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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