he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
