roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
