he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize