I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
