im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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