I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
