textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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