you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
