i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
