dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
