my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
In America we eat man semen.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
