do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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