Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
