at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
