i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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