no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My life is pants optional.
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