do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
