Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
