I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have fence marks all over my body
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
