Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
