12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
