So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize