I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
