We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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