My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize