my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize