Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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