it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
