I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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