Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize