Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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