but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
