Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
