I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
