The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
