Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize