Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
