so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
