So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
