things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
please come you make the beer taste better
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
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