Will you blow on my dice?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
