tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
