explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
