there were more penises there than on chat roulette
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
