i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
