No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
