I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
