I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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