well most of my day revolves around power hour
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
