Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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