the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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