dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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