sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
