you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
