in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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