i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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