She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
