Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
