what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
