My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
