we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
