Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize