tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
