I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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