GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
