New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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