do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
