If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
