I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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