we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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