If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
