Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
the liver wants what the liver wants
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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