Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
