Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
