She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
