Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize